Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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