Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
