On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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