We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
