Fuck appropriateness.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
try to milk me bitch
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
