your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
