i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
