I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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