my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm really busy with my period
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