his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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