love makes seman taste better
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
