I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
