You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
