I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
