i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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