she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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