dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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