The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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