Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
