he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
