On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
