Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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