If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
