i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
