i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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