Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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