the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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