mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
