Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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