They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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