I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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