true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
