so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
