He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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