Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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