1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
