He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So here I am, sexting at work.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
