So drunk its hurt
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
