Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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