i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
