why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
