So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
