"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
