Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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