We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize