Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
