yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
