You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
