I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
