I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
