What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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