420 ftw
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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