No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.