So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.