Define "chronic" masturbator.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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