My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?