my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza