OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
