bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Let's get the cat blown out