he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.