so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This is my gift to your gina
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
