Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
