I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
