Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
