Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
