You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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