you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
