i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
