why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
