Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
