oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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