just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
